i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Randomize
