There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
