You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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