I intend to get homeless drunk
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
