Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
