What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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