i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
