Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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