I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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