Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
