well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
