I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Drake has all the answers
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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