Where is the hickey?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
