i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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