Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
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