i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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