Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
