Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
