well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
