So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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