i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
