as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
