Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
