I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I stole a fireplace last night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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