how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
