Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
