meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
