You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
