Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i will never coherently bang her
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Randomize
