I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
