ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
