Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
