as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Randomize
