i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
