She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
