it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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