Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
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