I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Randomize
