He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
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I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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