420 ftw
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
