he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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