6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Randomize
