i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
