they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
