Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
