is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
