At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I will pee on everything he values.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
