She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
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