Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
