I would go down on you faster than GM stock
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
