Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Randomize
