just survived the first fart of the relationship.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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