it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
sex in a hospital.. check
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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