You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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