We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize