Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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