I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
