just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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