Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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