I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize