he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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