Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
