You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
