All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Randomize
