i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
