woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
