He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
