We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
