Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
