God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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