he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize