Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
