tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
