If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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