we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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