I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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