Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
