I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
