goodnight i made you a song goodbye
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
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