i think my mom watched the whole time
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
