YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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