my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Randomize
