Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
