what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
