Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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