Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize