I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
please come you make the beer taste better
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
