very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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