my sisters under your porch take her home
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
