found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
