you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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