I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Randomize
