He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
