Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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