I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
